Monday, May 5, 2008

Another day in the life of John Daly

From the Department of You Can’t Make That Up, comes the incredible linkage of John Daly and Roger Clemens. It seems that Clemens, who is suing his former personal trainer Brian McNamee for defamation of character. In response McNamee’s legal team is trying to show that Clemens has little character to defame.

This brings us to the fact that the once first ballot lock for the Baseball Hall of Fame has been romantically linked with Paulette Dean Daly, number two on the list of Daly’s ex wives.

This woman must have a rather eclectic taste in men. While both Clemens and Daly are golf enthusiasts, that’s about where the comparison stops. Clemens is married. Currently Daly is not. Clemens is known for his rigorous physical training regimen (possibly steroid-enhanced). The most rigorous workout Daly does is a series of one 12 ounce curls. Repeat curls weigh less than the first one because Daly is draining Miller Lite by more than an ounce every curl. Clemens has a history of shattering the English language (his “misremember” to the House Committee investigating major league baseball was tame. When he pitched in Boston, one daily paper ran a feature called The World According to Roger that highlighted his malapropisms following every pitching performance.) Daly has as well, particularly during and following a particularly long workout, but remains comparatively coherent when not working out.

You would have thought the second Mrs. D would have been perfect for JD. She organizes lavish parties for the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic and parties are what Daly is about. Evidently, the hotel wrecking binge in Ponte Vedra Beach in 1997 wasn’t the type of party Paulette favored. She allegedly, however, favors the type where a guest (Clemens) dances the night away with an eight-foot boa constrictor around his neck. What some guys will do to impress a woman.

If the Daly linkage in l’affaire Clemens, is odd, it’s hard to follow Daly’s appearance at the Murder Rock GC a Daly-design under construction in Branson, Mo. A local FOX-TV station sent a crew to the site to talk with John and perhaps play a hole with him.

Always accommodating, Daly did just that—sans shirt and footwear. The things you see when you don’t have a harpoon! If you think Daly looks hefty when covered by a golf shirt, it’s Jabba the Hut time when he takes it off. Shoeless? Okay. Bare-chested? Not in this lifetime.

Later in the past week, it was learned that Daly and his former instructor Butch Harmon spoke by for the first time by phone since Daly learned Harmon had dumped him by reading it in the newspaper. Daly reportedly asked Harmon to go on the Golf Channel and retract the things Harmon had said about him publicly when he dumped Daly.

Even though Harmon has since learned that the reason Daly was in the Hooters tent during Saturday’s third round of the PODS Championship to help a charity by appearing and socializing with the guests, he refused to retract a word. The reason Daly had requested the retraction was the damage Harmon had done to his bank account by lost endorsements. Harmon refused, but offered help for Daly if he attempts to get on the straight and narrow.

Let’s face it, Daly is the type of guy who when he tries to do something right, it invariably turns out wrong.

Maybe a change of venue might help. Proclaiming to be fit following rib surgery and able to swing the club better, Daly, the 595th ranked player in the world will be entertaining European Tour fans the next two weeks with appearances in both Spain and Italy. Let’s hope it’s his golf that makes the news over the next fortnight.

Bartender, please pour a pitcher of Sangria for Mr. Daly and give him a bottle of Chianti to go, so he can practice for his two week European adventure. Maybe he can find some peace and his golf game and return with a future--not just a past.

See you on the first tee,


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